Saturday, May 14, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday


Back to my foodie mystery, Country Fried City Gal. This is the first six sentence of the novel. Would greatly appreciate it if you would tell me whether or not you think it's a compelling start. Would you want to keep reading?

“Come on, come on,” My thumbs drummed impatiently against the leather covered steering wheel as I waited for the jerk driving in the mammoth SUV to accelerate to the fifty five mile per hour speed limit. Branches extended over the back road like gnarled fingers, reaching out to grab hold and squeeze the life out of me. Or maybe that was just my internal panic mode hitting DEFCON 2. With some effort, I refocused on the vehicle ahead of me. Apparently it wasn’t enough for the driver to cut me off at the city limits of Beaverton, N.C , but he also felt the need to meander along like a constipated mule. Skippy.

Be sure to check out more stellar snippets at the six sentence Sunday blog!

26 comments:

  1. What an image! Constipated mule. I'm going to remember that when I'm on the back roads of south western Ontario.

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  2. This heroine has inherited my road rage.

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  3. Love how the character's rage comes through. May be a tad too much description right away. Slows down the pace a bit. I'd still keep reading though. :)

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  4. I might check to see if really a place called BEAVERton, and like the constipated mule description also. Maybe it's me after a full day - but the last sentence - Skippy ? I don't get it - but yeah I'd keep reading

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  5. Ha, constipated mule!

    Yeah, I'm not sure of the 'skippy' reference, either, but it's a great start!

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  6. yes of course I want to read more! :-) Your writing is fabulous :-)

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  7. I think I've been behind that SUV. You captured my attention immediately. Great intro.

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  8. "constipated mule" ha ha. Now why is it that I can picture that perfectly?!

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  9. I love your header! And the snippet was fun. I agree with Jessica. Cut some of the description which is slowing your pace. Love the last lines.

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  10. Yep, I'd read on. (This is one of my pet peeves: When some idiot races to merge and pops out ahead of you, only to proceed at a snail's pace. Grrr. Road. Rage.)

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  11. LOL I agree with Taryn. But I'd probably drop the Skippy line - I get it by a lot may not.

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  12. Love her voice! Such a fun snippet.

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  13. LOL. Constipated mule. Fantastic.
    I can just see it and feel her irritation. Also in the South where the clip moves along a teeny bit slower than the city and I totally see it.
    Thanks for sharing,

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  14. Great voice--you make me feel her impatience!

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  15. Haha! This sounds like you recorded my brain during traffic and put words to my thoughts. Constipated mule.. LOL

    Great job.
    Best,
    Allure

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  16. This gal is in a hurry and that "mule" has issues. Very funny. DEFCON2 Love it!

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  17. LMAO... I LOVE your voice in this six! internal panic mode hitting DEFCON 2, constipate mule. OMG, so funny!

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  18. LOLOL!! Absolutely I'd keep reading - love the voice! love the last few lines.

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  19. Love it. Nothing like a little road rage to spice up the day. Love the "constipated mule." I'd keep reading too.

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  20. I liked the opening, except for Skippy. That stopped me. Maybe if you had more than six sentences to work with, Skippy would have been explained?

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  21. How on earth did you think up the line 'constipate mule'. That's a classic.

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  22. Thanks everyone! I appreciate your feedback!

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