This years National Novel Writing Month(NanoWriMo) work in progress(WIP), Stellar Timing is going to be the death of me. Or at the very least, the death of my creativity for the foreseeable future.
As a brief overview, NaNoWriMo occurs ever year in the month of November. Those who enter are attempting to churn out 50 K words, a hefty portion on a novel before midnight local time on November 30th. Last year was a breeze and I arrogantly assumed the same gale of wind would carry me through NaNoWrMo 2009. So in all my conceit, I decided to post Stellar Timing in pretty close to real time to my fave writer's site, textnovel.com.
Am I an idiot, or what?
First of all, due to my fretting over the Next Best Celler contest, I didn't plot the way I should have, especially because this is the first time I've ever built my own world before. Stellar Timing takes place fifty years from now when a poor-- and I do mean that in a financial sense-- young woman is forced to wake up to the reality that Earth is the galaxy's criminal dumping grounds. Oh yeah, and she has innate magical abilities that her family has hidden from her which she now needs to learn how to control.
Anyhow, posting the chapters to textnovel live is kinda like that dream where you give a presentation before a classroom of your peers, a la Lady Godiva. That's right, all the flaws are bare and out there for the world to see. I've lost count of how many times I've shaken my head and said, "what in the world was I thinking?"
My obvious homonym deficiency is very apparent now. You know, like when I mess up , their vs there, your, vs you're, hear vs here. I do know the difference, I just don't think about them while drafting.
Or when I mess up the words that ought to have capital letters, and add caps where they don't belong. And my crutch on words like that and just.
All the warts are on there, clearly visible. And I look like an idiot. And since I have no bigger fear than humiliation, the act totally stifled my creativity.
So now I look like an unproductive idiot.
But here's the brilliant thing. I'm not alone in this. Several other authors on textnovel are doing the same thing, publishing to the site, festering oozing sores and all. And they're giving me feedback, which annihilates the self doubt because people are actually reading this drivel And liking it! So maybe it's not that bad after all!
And for me there's only one action to take. I have to go on. Because the more I see how much other enjoy my writing, the more I want to write and the more I learn to love the characters. Will I reach 50 K by Nov 30th? Couldn't say for sure. But no Internet badge can compete with the personal growth or the feeling of satisfaction I derive from knowing I truly did my very best.