Saturday, January 23, 2010

A Bad Case of the Shoulds

It seems like everyone has writer's conferences on the brain right now. Well everyone I network with. I really SHOULD go to Epicon (since I'm e-published) but have no one to watch the kiddies. And I'm dog ass broke.

And I SHOULD go to RWA, because I've been paying the stinking dues for four years and all I have is a stack of recycling to show for it.

I SHOULD be rubbing elbows getting my name and face out there, but I kinda feel like less is more with me. Really, I have a history of rejection to back that up. The only manuscript I have ready to plop in front of agents and editor's is Redeeming Characters (and it's now at nine rejections and climbing. Plus 2 I'm pretty sure are no as the agents now operate off of a don't call us, we'll call you only if we're rabid over this policy.)

Guess I've just got a bad case of the SHOULDS. ;-)

It boils down to money and childcare. Or lack there of. Maybe I'll get a wild hair and charge a conference on the credit card and sell an organ on the black market to get there. Or sell a child, that would solve both problems ;-)

It's not just the money either. I have to pack, drive or fly to said conference and all that before the hobnobbing begins. I have to be nice, for hours on end, a skill I haven't really honed much over the past few years. I'm basically xenophobic at this point.

I find myself asking, do I really want this badly enough? What would I give to attain my simple little dream of walking into a bookstore and picking up a copy of my own book?

I'll let you know when I have an answer to that.

4 comments:

  1. Dude. You don't have to be nice. That's not you. Wait, that sounded poopy. LOL. You're a wonderful friend and cool chick. You can be affable and still be snarky. You've got loads of personality, so nice sounds so mealy-mouthed. I'm not nice and I'm going, damn it.

    Yeah, you want it bad enough. You're just not liking the rejection right now. And none of us do. It sucks, but you just keep plugging along.

    And should can kiss your ass. Mine too. LOL.

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  2. Yeah, you're right, I'm in a crappy mood. Rejection + doing taxes = creative stall out.

    Though my grandmother died in '06 I still hear her in my head "Be nice Jennifer Lynn," yet when I try to be, I feel like I'm dying a little inside and then I go apeshit bonkers, to make up for the personality-ectomy.

    As my friend Amy says, "Where is should getting you?" Nowhere fast, but it's a habit picked up after being surrounded buy shoulders all my life.

    I's got mad issues, yo.

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  3. I hear ya. Not that I'm not nice... I'm always nice and I'll kick the ass of anyone who says differently. It's the single parent, short of money, but want to make it blues.

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  4. LOL Allison! You are just as nice as I am and I'll hold 'em while you kick!

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