Sunday, April 18, 2010
Procrastination is like masturbation...you're only screwing yourself
I have one chapter left to write on Who Needs A Hero? ONE!! I've had all day to write it. Instead, as you may have noticed, I've messed around on Blogger all day. Revamped the blog, organized pages, tried to give the whole thing a more user friendly touch. Honestly, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, other than not writing.
Part of it is because I'm savoring the story like really good chocolate. I don't want to say good-bye. Sure it's dirty draft and I'll need to go over and over and OVER it to the point where I hate the story but it's not the same.
I made myself cry with something I wrote this morning. First time ever. There is no doubt in my mind, this book is a winner. I've learned so much over the past few months, my style has really settled around me like a mantle, voice leading the charge. Dusted through 10K in the last week. Maggie and Neil want their story to be told, I didn't have to threaten, cajole wheedle, beg or whore myself in any way. I love them both oh so much.
I've promised myself I'd do a slices of life on them, what their lives are like together. Call me OCD, but I can't let them go. I thought this would give me enough of a reason to finish the last chapter, yet here I am, five hours later, writing about how I'm not writing.
Honestly, I'm scared out of my mind. Once this story is done and ready to go, I have to start asking favors, polish it enough before submitting directly to a publisher. Who might say no.
So yeah, there's the bottom line. I don't want to go through that, with wounds still healing from the bevy of rejections on Redeeming Characters. The self doubt stifles the muse like nothing else. So I was lying when i said there's no doubt, doubt is like Jell-O, we can always find room for it.